All The World's a Stage
by StarSpray
Summary: A drabble series centered around Bilbo, after he comes home from his adventure and before he leaves again. Written for Tolkien Weekly's Shakespeare challenge series. Chapter Six: All's Well That Ends Well
1. I'm Not Dead!

**I'm Not Dead!**  
><em>A Comedy of Errors<em>

"But I am _clearly_ alive! Do I look like a ghost to _you_, Odo? Give my sofa table back!"

"Confusticate you, Rory Brandybuck! As if Brandy Hall didn't have enough crocks already. What did you need _mine_ for?"

"_Official documents_ concerning my death? Let me see those."

"I know you have my spoons, Lobelia Sackville-Baggins. What do you _mean_ I'm not _really_ Bilbo Baggins? Who else would I _possibly_ be?"

He tore the legal papers to bits. He had not survived spiders, goblins, and Smaug to fight such a ridiculous legal battle at home! Bilbo sighed, already missing Elrond's valley.


	2. Restless Nights

**Restless Nights  
><strong>_A Midsummer Night's Dream_

Sometimes Bilbo dreamed of the Lonely Mountain, and ravens and runes and gleaming gold and gems. He always woke from those dreams thinking of Thorin and feeling melancholy. And at other times he dreamed of Mirkwood and woke in a cold sweat, thinking of the spiders and deep darkness.

The nicest dreams were the ones that took him back to musical Rivendell in midsummer with the Elves, beneath the jewel-bright stars.

Finally, on a particularly restless night, Bilbo gave up and went to his study. A sleepless night was as good a time as any to start writing his memoirs.


	3. The Most Exciting Part

**The Most Exciting Part**  
><em>The Tempest<em>

"…and then _Gandalf_ appeared with a bright flash in between the armies – " A burst of lightning accompanied by a loud boom of thunder interrupted Bilbo's story, making several of the children jump and shriek, as though Gandalf at his most wizardly had appeared there in the room with them.

Bilbo laughed. "Yes, it was much like that! And now pay attention, for we are approaching the most exciting part…" It was lucky such a tempest had descended on them that evening – stormy nights were perfect for storytelling, especially stories about goblins and wizards and great battles over dragons' gold!


	4. What Happened Next

**What Happened Next**  
><em>The Winter's Tale<em>

"Where did you spend the winter, Uncle Bilbo? It must have been awfully drafty in that big mountain…" All the children leaned forward, eager to hear more of gold and jewels and the strange songs the Dwarves sang.

"Oh, I am sure it wasn't; Dwarves are better builders than that! But I spent the winter with Gandalf and Beorn."

"Did you see more bears?"

"Some. And I began learning Sindarin properly from Gandalf – that's the language the Elves speak, you know."

"Was there much snow?"

"Oh yes, but we were quite snug in Beorn's hall. With plenty of honey cakes!"


	5. Of Silver Spoons and Mushrooms

**Of Silver Spoons and Mushrooms**  
><em>Measure for Measure<em>

Bilbo was telling Frodo about the Elves he had met the weekend before as they ambled down a sunny lane when both of them spotted a beautiful patch of mushrooms, just on the edge of land belonging to Otho and Lobelia Sackville-Baggins. They stopped, and glanced at each other. "These would be _wonderful_ for dinner tonight," Bilbo said.

"Do you suppose the S.B.s know about them?" Frodo asked.

"Perhaps. But a measure of mushrooms for a few silver spoons is a good start! Now, quickly…"

That evening they enjoyed stewed mushrooms and laughed at their small revenge against Lobelia's thievery.


	6. Retirement Plans

**Retirement Plans**  
><em>All's Well That Ends Well<em>

As he watched the pavilions rise and tables spring up across the Party Field, Bilbo considered his Plan. Everything was in place, all the little details considered and taken care of. It would be a terrifically fun party, which would make his little joke all the more amusing.

And then he would be off on the road again, to see _mountains_ and great forests. Eventually he would settle down…in Erebor, maybe. Or Rivendell. Somewhere far away and suitable for a Hobbit's retirement where he could finish his book. _And he lived happily ever after, to the end of his days_.


End file.
